Well we are here at June 29 and that means that I am 4 days past the 4 month mark of my keto year. I know now after the first 4 months that there will never be any going back for me as far as eating the SAD diet again, Keto is just the thing that makes me feel too good to quit.
That said, I have not really had a month of roses the last while. Even after my post about re affirming myself to this WOE I found there was still something that I was having an impossible time putting down.
Alcohol in general actually, not that I am an every day heavy drinker, I just have had a big issue with telling myself that I can not have it at all. So I have not yet decided to give it up. I am going 30 days to see if it really makes a large difference in my weight loss. The science says that it should. I will not be pushing myself out of keto to burn the booze first. That is just logic.
I had to ask myself why though, I can give up sugar, I can give up starch. I LOVE chips more than you can possibly imagine and yet I can walk past an open bag now without thinking about It. I am not addicted to booze, I am addicted to the idea of it being a treat. A forbidden fruit that I can slam into my daily macros without feeling too bad about it.
I have been on this whole " well I deserve this" mind set about it. Really, that is not being true to the experiment . The idea is to be ketogenic, not low carb.
( forgive any weird typing.. There is a kitten chasing my fingers as I am typing ).
So yesterday we had date night, We went for Mexican and I fully planned to stay on plan the whole night. I failed. I made a choice about it and I had no issue getting back on the keto wagon today. No MENATAL issue I should say.
It was so not worth it. I had a lot of time today to examine the walls of the bathroom at work. I felt horrible and bloated all day and no food would agree with me. I didn't go near my scale because I know better.
I have found those days are sneaking in more and more the last little while so no more. I have been so against tracking as I just want this to be part of my life and I don't want to give it much thought during the day but my resolve has not grown to that point yet.
I am taking a page out of Mary Roberts book ( you are my hero Mary seriously) after watching her keto coaching episodes. I am an addict plain and simple . So I need to keep the message forefront all the time and top of mind. I am rewatching all the you tube videos I can find in keto world. Any suggestions would be wonderful. I am literally eating and breathing keto information, as well as examining the rest of my life and decided how I can be happier in it.
The sad truth is that I can never walk by a mirror without looking to see if I look round and lumpy. It is a mind set that I have never been able to master, to love myself the way I am , because I don't. I am not happy in my 50lb too heavy body and I do not think that has anything to do with self worth. I think the opposite, I value myself enough to change.
I believe part of me has been scared of the change and the success. I think there has been a bit of self sabotage . It is not all about weight loss for me as I have said before but of course that is our marker of sucess . I believe that the first 4 months have been largely getting my head right. Yes I have seen good results, I am down 15 pounds now, but I feel like I have been in training and now I really want to see what this body can do . It is still summer for 2 months, I want to wear a 2 piece! . Ramble post tonight. Be well my keto peeps