4 month update

Hello guys and dolls! 

Well we are here at June 29 and that means that I am 4 days past the 4 month mark of my keto year. I know now after the first 4 months that there will never be any going back for me as far as eating the SAD diet again, Keto is just the thing that makes me feel too good to quit. 

That said, I have not really had a month of roses the last while. Even after my post about re affirming myself to this WOE I found there was still something that I was having an impossible time putting down. 

Wine, 

Alcohol in general actually, not that I am an every day heavy drinker, I just have had a big issue with telling myself that I can not have it at all. So I have not yet decided to give it up. I am going 30 days to see if it really makes a large difference in my weight loss. The science says that it should. I will not be pushing myself out of keto to burn the booze first. That is just logic. 

I had to ask myself why though, I can give up sugar, I can give up starch. I LOVE chips more than you can possibly imagine and yet I can walk past an open bag now without thinking about It. I am not addicted to booze, I am addicted to the idea of it being a treat.  A forbidden fruit that I can slam into my daily macros without feeling too bad about it. 

I have been on this whole " well I deserve this" mind set about it. Really, that is not being true to the experiment . The idea is to be ketogenic, not low carb. 

 ( forgive any weird typing.. There is a kitten chasing my fingers as I am typing ). 

 So yesterday we had date night, We went for Mexican and I fully planned to stay on plan the whole night. I failed. I made a choice about it and I had no issue getting back on the keto wagon today. No MENATAL issue I should say. 

It was so not worth it. I had a lot of time today to examine the walls of the bathroom at work. I felt horrible and bloated all day and no food would agree with me. I didn't go near my scale because I know better. 

I have found those days are sneaking in more and more the last little while so no more. I have been so against tracking as I just want this to be part of my life and I don't want to give it much thought during the day but my resolve has not grown to that point yet. 

I am taking a page out of Mary Roberts book  ( you are my hero Mary seriously) after watching her keto coaching episodes.  I am an addict plain and simple .  So I need to keep the message forefront all the time and top of mind. I am rewatching all the you tube videos I can find in keto world. Any suggestions would be wonderful. I am literally eating and breathing keto information, as well as examining the rest of my life and decided how I can be happier in it. 

The sad truth is that I can never walk by a mirror without looking to see if I look round and lumpy. It is a mind set that I have never been able to master, to love myself the way I am , because I don't. I am not happy in my 50lb too heavy body and I do not think that has anything to do with self worth. I think the opposite, I value myself enough to change. 

I believe part of me has been scared of the change and the success. I think there has been a bit of self sabotage . It is not all about weight loss for me as I have said before but of course that is our marker of sucess . I believe that the first 4 months have been largely getting my head right. Yes I have seen good results, I am down 15 pounds now, but I feel like I have been in training and now I really want to see what this body can do . It is still summer for 2 months, I want to wear a 2 piece! . Ramble post tonight. Be well my keto peeps

#ketopride 

Cheers

Ginger

Why I keto, Affirmation

So Last night was the relay for life in town. 12 hours of walking a relay track in support of cancer research. It is a powerful night, I always forget just how powerful until I go, This was my 8th year going.

We got down to the track and set up our tent with our horde of snack foods and the relay kicked off. As usual I was mediocre about the whole event, It is very emotional for me as I have lost my dad at a young age to cancer. We were very close. OK so I don't want much to get into that as I have just spent an entire night dwelling in it. I found though that there was a different side effect this year.

I watched the people , walking their miles in deep contemplation of life, solid in their choice to make this small stand and fight all night through sore legs and tired eyes. They had their reason, they hate the disease. They want freedom from it like every on else.

And then they stop at the tents for their muffins, power bars, Gatorade, etc. I watched them pour the poison right back in. The very thing they fought against all night they hungrily engulfed to keep going.

The irony was painful and sad. I found no joy in that.

Then my daughter got up on a stage in front of the whole relay and pledged 300.00 of her own money and had her head shaved in support. She is 13, she didn't care at all for how it looked or what anyone thought, she just needed to make the stand.

Ok so that was one of the proudest moment of my life, this is really personal to me, This is actually why I keto.

I have been more than touched by this disease, my family is on a genetic research list for the province of BC due to the high instance of cancer we have. I had a hysterectomy at age 25 and was put to early menopause due to pre cancerous cells.

It is easy to forget in day to day life, but I had a hard affirmation last night that I NEED to be here, to see this young woman through. I was only 10 years older than her when I lost my dad.

I can get caught in the vanity , I can get caught in the numbers but as Brian Williamson says in the Ketovangelist podcast often, You have to know your WHY. Well my WHY is to never have to be one of the luminary bags glowing in memory at the side of the track. I never want my kid to walk behind the pipe band for the silent lap and remember that I was a vibrant soul. I may not be able to control it all but that can NOT be my legacy. So , I keto and I will Keto on. I am a believer that it is the thing I can do to secure my best odds to not have to go down that road.

Cheers all and good eats.. I am heading for a coffee.... with FAT!

Ginger

ARG!!!!!!!

I am eternally frustrated today, which has caused me to get a little real with myself. I got on the scale today when I woke up feeling really puffy and gross.  Sure Enough, back up to 173. Fuck . 

I know where the culprit lies, it's alcohol. I had wine at a bbq last night but that was not a one off thing. I have been drinking a lot, I went and bought gin thinking that ok this is more keto friendly but yeah, it's still alcohol. I need to get back to my have a beverage on Friday night routine and be done with it because seriously this is messing with my body and messing with my progress. I feel super puffy today. :(.

The other thing is I was at a bbq last night. I was good , very good with what I ate but I have no idea what was in the burgers as they were home made, I really don't now if they used bread to bind them or there were other sneaky carbs in there. SO as I am writing this I am going to stop beating myself up quite so much. It is 6:30 am so please forgive my grammar and sentence structure. I am assuming it won't be the best currently. 

So yes, current weight, 173 post holiday pudge. 

Boo. 

Ginger.

Peace

Have not blogged in awhile. Frankly I fell off the wagon a bit. I can admit that. Work has been so stressful with big and changes and what not that I have been drinking way too much wine. Way too much. I did manage in the last month to lose about 2 pounds but I think that was largely due to simple lack of calories .

The wine kicked me out of ketosis and it was havok on my blood sugar and on my mental state. Found that I was having carb cravings again . I found that all the benefits and feelings of we'll being were leaving me and I was feeling defeated .

I have recommitted  quietly. Giving up the wine . Finding peace and my center. Refocusing on the goals I have. I am also doing a 30 day face project. I know I have a chin I would like to find it. I feel I am on the path to finding some peace in my life . I know I would like to make Keto my career and I am not sure what that looks like yet. I think I would like to take on clients, but before I am ready to do that I need to be a success in my own journey. That is 47 pounds from now . So I am refocusing on me.

Cheers and peace kids

Ginger