I was going to delete all the past posts, mostly because I could not stand to read the commitment I had or the strength that I had gained from the research and the groups and the knowledge that I had gone through the hard stuff and I was on the path to healing.
Well, it has been more than a year since my last post. I have gained back everything I lost, my depression came back with a vengeance and my body has been sick. I have had little to no sex drive and most days I really could not care if I got out of bed. I have distanced myself from my family, my daughter in particular and become this person that complains all the time to my partner. I am done.
I know what happened, I got cocky. There is no other way to put it, I lost my edge, Then I managed to start doing badly in my job, again got cocky, stopped caring. Damn the man and all of that.
Everything began to suffer and the last 6 weeks of my life have been closest thing to hell on earth that I can think of. I dont have the job any more, I am back up to 174 pounds and now am working two part time jobs at about 50 hours a week and half killing myself. I currently have no idea what comes next and frankly I am terrified.
I am taking control in the only way that I can really take control. Health first. I have become this person that will maybe brush her hair in the morning, stuff a cereal bar in my face and head out the door to work until i am so hungry that I am grabbing a burger between jobs. Enough.
I have no idea how to control the tailspin that things are in but I can take hold of my health. Back to keto because it is what I know. I can solve non of the issues in my life if I do not first have my energy and my health back.
Well, it has been more than a year since my last post. I have gained back everything I lost, my depression came back with a vengeance and my body has been sick. I have had little to no sex drive and most days I really could not care if I got out of bed. I have distanced myself from my family, my daughter in particular and become this person that complains all the time to my partner. I am done.
I know what happened, I got cocky. There is no other way to put it, I lost my edge, Then I managed to start doing badly in my job, again got cocky, stopped caring. Damn the man and all of that.
Everything began to suffer and the last 6 weeks of my life have been closest thing to hell on earth that I can think of. I dont have the job any more, I am back up to 174 pounds and now am working two part time jobs at about 50 hours a week and half killing myself. I currently have no idea what comes next and frankly I am terrified.
I am taking control in the only way that I can really take control. Health first. I have become this person that will maybe brush her hair in the morning, stuff a cereal bar in my face and head out the door to work until i am so hungry that I am grabbing a burger between jobs. Enough.
I have no idea how to control the tailspin that things are in but I can take hold of my health. Back to keto because it is what I know. I can solve non of the issues in my life if I do not first have my energy and my health back.
No comments:
Post a Comment