A new beginning

I was going to delete all the past posts, mostly because I could not stand to read the commitment I had or the strength that I had gained from the research and the groups and the knowledge that I had gone through the hard stuff and I was on the path to healing.


 Well, it has been more than a year since my last post. I have gained back everything I lost, my depression came back with a vengeance and my body has been sick. I have had little to no sex drive and most days I really could not care if I got out of bed. I have distanced myself from my family, my daughter in particular and become this person that complains all the time to my partner. I am done.


I know what happened, I got cocky. There is no other way to put it, I lost my edge, Then I managed to start doing badly in my job, again got cocky, stopped caring. Damn the man and all of that.

Everything began to suffer and the last 6 weeks of my life have been closest thing to hell on earth that I can think of. I dont have the job any more, I am back up to 174 pounds and now am working two part time jobs at about 50 hours a week and half killing myself.  I currently have no idea what comes next and frankly I am terrified.

I am taking control in the only way that I can really take control. Health first. I have become this person that will maybe brush her hair in the morning, stuff a cereal bar in my face and head out the door to work until i am so hungry that I am grabbing a burger between jobs. Enough.

I have no idea how to control the tailspin that things are in but I can take hold of my health. Back to keto because it is what I know.  I can solve non of the issues in my life if I do not first have my energy and my health back. 

Why I keto, Affirmation

So Last night was the relay for life in town. 12 hours of walking a relay track in support of cancer research. It is a powerful night, I always forget just how powerful until I go, This was my 8th year going.

We got down to the track and set up our tent with our horde of snack foods and the relay kicked off. As usual I was mediocre about the whole event, It is very emotional for me as I have lost my dad at a young age to cancer. We were very close. OK so I don't want much to get into that as I have just spent an entire night dwelling in it. I found though that there was a different side effect this year.

I watched the people , walking their miles in deep contemplation of life, solid in their choice to make this small stand and fight all night through sore legs and tired eyes. They had their reason, they hate the disease. They want freedom from it like every on else.

And then they stop at the tents for their muffins, power bars, Gatorade, etc. I watched them pour the poison right back in. The very thing they fought against all night they hungrily engulfed to keep going.

The irony was painful and sad. I found no joy in that.

Then my daughter got up on a stage in front of the whole relay and pledged 300.00 of her own money and had her head shaved in support. She is 13, she didn't care at all for how it looked or what anyone thought, she just needed to make the stand.

Ok so that was one of the proudest moment of my life, this is really personal to me, This is actually why I keto.

I have been more than touched by this disease, my family is on a genetic research list for the province of BC due to the high instance of cancer we have. I had a hysterectomy at age 25 and was put to early menopause due to pre cancerous cells.

It is easy to forget in day to day life, but I had a hard affirmation last night that I NEED to be here, to see this young woman through. I was only 10 years older than her when I lost my dad.

I can get caught in the vanity , I can get caught in the numbers but as Brian Williamson says in the Ketovangelist podcast often, You have to know your WHY. Well my WHY is to never have to be one of the luminary bags glowing in memory at the side of the track. I never want my kid to walk behind the pipe band for the silent lap and remember that I was a vibrant soul. I may not be able to control it all but that can NOT be my legacy. So , I keto and I will Keto on. I am a believer that it is the thing I can do to secure my best odds to not have to go down that road.

Cheers all and good eats.. I am heading for a coffee.... with FAT!

Ginger

Update at the 9 week mark

Good Morning Cats and Kittens,

Well I sure have a lot of catch up to do! I am terribly sorry I have been so slack on posting the last while, lots of life happening and really I didn't have anything to report. Things were plugging along as usual.

So I am down to 168 lbs now. Slow loss compared to a lot but it is enough to make me happy.

I bought a ketone meter and was thrilled to see that I had been getting something right as my numbers were at 1.8 mmol. There was something through that has been bothering me more than anything. My energy. No matter how good I feel and how much I can get done in the day once I am up, I cant get up in the morning, been slow and sluggish. I finally decided after listen to Maria Emmerich's book Keto adapted, it was likely that the antidepressants that I have been on for Fibromyalgia have been the culprit. I am now coming off of them. This is proving to be a hard thing to do.

Currently my brain feels like I had 7 Gin and Tonic, When I move my head around the world swims. I have started taking 5htp to combat the drop in serotonin levels. Besides, It is Friday and I at least have the weekend to recoup.




So this is the progress to date. I have to admit it sure looks like more than 12 pounds! I love the way my skin is feeling healthier and just in general I LOOK so much healthier.

Victory of the week. I bought a belt.

This is just a tiny update! I will commit to posting more often guys!

Thanks for reading

Cheers and good eats.

March 29- the body is a very odd thing

Good Spring day all!

First of all it is the most beautiful day out here in BC today, 16 degrees outside , I am sorry I have no idea what that is in anything other than celcius but I promise it was warm and wonderful.

So this morning I got up and decided for fun I would get on the scale, you see this has previously been fun.. a preview as to what this week's weight will be. I have not really been able to solidly decide on a good weigh day, but I think Fridays because it is the start to the weekend. Well this morning I hopped on the scale to find out I have not lost any weight at all last week but I actually gained 2 pounds. 173 was glaring up at me like a snake!

Now after I thought about trashing the scale, I thought for a minute, I have been very sick with a cold. Still getting over the cough part of it. I had to take all kinds of medication and even though it was a caplet and no sugar, I believe it messed around with the body anyway. My hands were so puffy this morning my rings would hardly move and my belly was puffy , my face was puffy. I was a gigantic water balloon.

I still feel puffy even after the whole day of drinking lots of water, I think that really the medication messed me up. I have eaten on plan all week except for a couple nights where I drank whiskey in my tea instead of using cold medication.

I have also had a high stress week. My ex husband is in town to visit the family and although we play nice, it causes me stress to have him around. This likely means I am not sleeping as well and I am probably producing all sorts of coritsol. Thanks body, you are just my bestest buddy.

So what can I say, I guess given that this is a life change, there are going to be times that I am not going to have the best week. I know where my anxiety is coming from. This is the spot, the place that I always get to with any weight loss plan.. about 10 pounds and then I start rewarding my good behavior with food. The lowest weight that I have been in the last 20 years ( I am 36) is 158lbs. I am only 5 foot 3 so that was still alot of weight on me. I hold it mostly on my stomach and chest, not the legs or face for the most part.

The highest weight I have seen is 200 but that was post baby. I was 215 at the time I delivered. Needless to say 158 is my first goal. When I get under that I can sit back and say " ok, on a path ". I am so determined and motivated! I will stay the course the whole 365 project , probably longer.

Ok anyway, enough wallowing, yes I gained 2 pounds .. big hairy deal. moving on.

Have been having some kitchen fun this week and I am thinking I may start a food page on this blog but for now I want to share my latest delights.

Green Thai curry soup

and my new fab " no mac and cheese casserole "


oh my god it was soo good. And I have food for the next couple days. I have little to no hunger, I am not totally sure if I am all the way fat adapted or not yet, I have ordered a blood testing meter and I am excited to have it arrive so I can see where I am at.

For the time being I am trying to remember that I am still in education mode, watching as many documentaries as I can and ready great books like " why we get fat and what to do about it "

if any of you are amazon shoppers you can do a girl a solid and use the blog links to shop! I get a bit of a monetary bonus for anyone who buys something through my links.

Anyway kids I am into my latest documentary " the perfect human diet " Found it on google play and looks interesting so I am going to tuck up and finish the knitting project I am supposed to be doing right now and watch my movie. Kids are out and the man is having carby beers in his back yard with a buddy. Its an all me night and I intend to enjoy it.. without snacks!

Have a great night, sent with love from puffy fingers!

Ginger

March 25- One month in and the internal renovation

Good afternoon all,

I have dragged my butt to the computer to post today because it is a very special day! I have made it a month! I have done this before but NEVER without cheating. I have done this with no cheats and a motivation and mindfullness that I was lacking before.
Her are the official one month photos!

And the "hide nothing " photos.

Ok so wow. yep those are pictures of me in my underwear.. on the internet. ok, I can live with this.

SO I do have something interesting to talk about today though, I had a real emotional crisis over my reflection today. I am sick to begin with and of course we are always a little emotional when we are sick but, even so...

SO I took my daughter out to buy shorts and a swim suit top today and I was for once not dreading going into the clothing store, I was thinking that there may be things I might actually feel ok wearing. But, when I was standing outside the change room waiting for her I caught my reflection from the side. I had terrible posture, I still looked so heavy , tummy poked out and pudgy arms peeking out from my shirt. Jeans sliding down my non existent bum to make the belly look even bigger.

I was devastated. I had been feeling so good on my one month day. It was a very hard thing for a few minutes but then it hit me. I didn't get here over night like we all say. It is not going to go away over night. I can imagine what that reflection would have been 30 days and almost 10 pounds ago. I know that I may be a slow loser due to the hormones I am on. I am feeling like a person I remember .

In the end I managed to talk myself out of eating a cinnamon bun from the bakery across the mall , bought the kiddo a really cute top and high waist shorts. I am looking forward now to what my 2 month results will be.

oh my god , the other thing driving me a little nuts are the hot flashes! I do not know if it is because of my hormones or just that i have stored estrogen in my fat and I am using it or just the keto flushing that I hear about but, every time I eat high fat food I am getting hot flashes for about an hour afterward.

I take it as my internal fire working, maybe just a ginger thing ! haha

Anyway I would call today bitter sweet, I feel I have made so much progress and my head is so much better. I have killed the carb and sugar cravings, I am working on conquering the emotional aspect of my food addiction. I have to stop and remember that so much of this is work on the inside and the body has to heal as it goes. It can hang on to the weight while it does and when its ready it will let go.
Keep calm and keto on as they say.

More later ,

Cheers and good eats my keto friends!

-Ginger

March 11 Day 15

Well, I have a confession to make. I had to withdraw my rainy day account because sadly the rain was falling, In buckets. Too much catch up had to be done from the two months of working part time. So I am back to a literal square one in my nest egg.

I am having a hard time feeling strong today, So much happening on my family front, I have the daunting task of an exam that I have to write Friday for work and there is a job position coming up that I am desperately trying to make them look at me for as it is the holy grail of where I want to get to in the bank.

For about a week I was feeling very up, motivated and on top of the world, this week, with my kiddo acting like a stranger and company in my house on top of it I am feeling like a caged animal, I have also had hunger issues which is surprising to me. Leads me to believe that my body is working on figuring out the new regime as I know I am eating enough.

In any case, been a bit of a rough week but I am holding strong, feel depressed today and very much like I don't want to deal with people. Sucks that my job is totally dealing with people. I am hoping that if I drop off the planet just for a day it will not be too noticed.

on the PLUS side 15 days keto! I am taking a challenge from my favorite Facebook group to not track macros etc for 30 days. Just eat. Eat when hungry , don't when not.

Take the stress out of it.

I am also thinking that next week I am going to take my new found energy and start going to yoga again, if I can seem to get myself out of my head by then. Right now I am in it and not much to be done about it.